the verdict on yesterday: disappointing!

I was doing well until about 8pm when my boyfriend came home and he's just like 'we're going out' so i was thinking 'yippee, something else to keep me busy so i dont eat' well, he told me that we were going to the casino, but what he didnt tell me is that we were going out to dinner with our friends first. So we went to oscars. And i didnt know what to have so i just had some pesto ravioli but i only had about 10 pieces. and i also had a few sips of pumpkin soup. But that totally fucks up my fast.

BUT i'm not starting again! I'm just going to have to work twice as hard! I might just add an extra week on to the end of the fast! Yeah I will do that! So this is fasting day 2, and so far I am just fine.

The good news about yesterday is that I had a lucky night at the casino! I started off with $50 and i turned it into $300. So i paid my mum back for the shopping last week.

So, feeling good today! i weighted myself though and i havent lost a pound! thats very disappointing. i will be okay though coz tomorrow i will have lost at least 2! i am sure of it.

peace.

I'm up to the 17th hour of fasting! I always get weak around this hour because its the time when my body is trying to make me crave food. But not this time. I'm too determined not to fail. I'm not going to give up.

I think as long as do 3 things I will be okay:
1. KEEP BUSY: If I keep busy I wont feel the urge to eat. It's hard for me to keep busy though because I'm not a busy person.
2. KEEP POSITIVE: If i just keep telling myself I'm not going to fail and just keep telling myself the benefits of this fast and how good I'm going to look, I'll be disciplined enough to stop myself from giving in to food.
3. KEEP DRINKING WATER: If i just drink heaps of water I will be okay because my stomach will be too full of water to want to eat anything.

Plus I have my thinspiration book to work on.

So far today I've had 3 pint glasses of water and a small glass of juice.

Hour: 17/504 [three weeks]
Current weight: 176
Number of pounds lost: 0
Number of pounds to go: 36

Name: Sara
Date starting diet: 23rd May 2005
Age: 20
Location: Australia
BMI: 31
Height: 5'3
CW: 176
HW: 176
LW: 121
STGW: 150
LTGW: 115
E.D. type: ed-nos
Have you been diagnosed/do you self-diagnose? self diagnose

I cant believe how fat i am. I really do feel like such a failure. How could I let myself get this fat? Its 100% my fault and i'm so stupid for letting it get this bad. I'm going to win this battle though. I won;t let fat ruin my life anymore. Today is fasting day 1 and i'm up to hour 15. I've done quite a bit of preparation, like getting rid of everyting in my fridge that i might be tempted by. And i made a food diary and an exercise plan. I hope its enough to get to to stick to it. Oh and i have a thinspiration book which i'm going to go work on right now.

I cant believe I'm so fat. I just can;t believe it.

I told my mum tonight that I'm moving out.
She's happy for me but she thinks i told her in a mean way which i soooooo didnt mean to do. I love my mum. I did tell her that i didnt think i could stand to live with her anymore.

But anyway she's going to help me move out which is excellent. I'm excited that its all actually happening. Robin and I have been wanting to move out for ages and now we're going to have our own place, we're just gonna be so happy.

Things are so good. My fast starts on Monday. It was originally starting today but then i remembered I'm going out to dinner tomorrow night and i'm getting hell drunk at my friends 21st. and on sunday i have to go to robins mums house for a family dinner. This fast is gonna be good. I need to lose at least 30 pounds before June 27 because It's the nocturnal ball and robin is taking me this year and I dont want to look gross in front of all the beautiful industry girls that robin associates with. SO....its fasting for me.

I've just got to find ways to keep myself busy! Thats my main problem i get fucking bored and then i eat, my OTHER main problem is i eat when robin eats and i eat what robin eats and it sucks coz he always eats REALLY late at night when he gets home from work, and he ALWAYS eats crappy food. but hes skinny so he's allowed to. I'M NOT ALLOWED TO! i keep telling him not to let me. but he doesnt listen. Its like how i quit smoking weed, i said 'dont let me smoke any' and he said he wouldnt but then he offers me a cone 2 days later.

he wants me to fail!

STARTING MONDAY:
(inspired by onlythreeweeks)
it goes in 4 day cycles!

so here it is: fast for 3 days(only drinking water and juice and the occasional coffee) and then on the fourth day eat fat burning soup!
simple!

it goes over 3 weeks! so it will go like this:

WEEK ONE
23rd May-Monday: fast
24th May-Tuesday: fast
25th May-Wednesday: fast
26th May-Thursday: soup
27th May-Friday: fast
28th May-Saturday: fast
29th May-Sunday: fast
WEEK TWO
30th May-Monday: soup
31st May-Tuesday: fast
1st June-Wednesday: fast
2nd June-Thursday: fast
3rd June-Friday: soup
4th June-Saturday: fast
5th June-Sunday: fast
WEEK THREE
6th June-Monday: fast
7th June-Tuesday: soup
8th June-Wednesday: fast
9th June-Thursday: fast
10th June-Friday: fast
11th June-Saturday: soup
12th June-Sunday: soup

i'm hoping to lose 40 pounds or more!
i'm feeling good about this!
i have to buy a scale tomorrow to keep track of my weight loss! I THREW OUT MY SCALE LONG AGO! i cant believe i'm gonna be getting a new one. i swore to myself i never would. ~sigh~

IF ANYONE WANTS TO JOIN ME LET ME KNOW!!!!

Well Done George Lucas! You're a star!

Revenge of the Sith was THE most spectacular movie I have ever seen. It had everything. It was amazing! THE best star wars movie! Even better than Empire Strikes Back. The difference between this movie and attack of the clones and the phantom menace, is that this is actually a good, interesting story. It's overflowing with feelings, the main one being sadness. From the killing of the jedis, to obi wan having to kill anakin, to padme dying from a broken heart, I was overwhelmed by this movie.

General Grievous is so intense! The wookie army are fucking awesome. R2D2 kicks ass in this movie aswell! and theres no jar jar binks either which is awesome coz hes the most annoying character ever written.

Something I never knew about star wars, is the reason Anakin turned to the dark side. It turned out to be for love! He was having visions of padme dying during the birth of luke and leia, and since he had visions of his mother dying before she actually did, he knew she was going to die and he couldnt bear to lose the love of his life. Lord Sidius(senator palpatine) told him that the dark side of the force is so powerful that you can gain from it the power to save those you love from death. So he thought it was the only way to save padme, so he turned. And he helped to kill all the jedis, and he helped to destroy the separatists, and the power that he was gaining from the darkside took over him and he ended up being the one to kill padme, because she was so devastated when she learned what was going on with him, she lost her will to live. So the vision of her death that he had seen in his dreams was his own doing! When anakin learns that he is the one who killed padme, anakin is so overcome with hatred for himself that he turns into the evil darth vader.

The most powerful scene of the movie is when Obi Wan is telling anakin that he was supposed to be the chosen one. He tells him that he loves him and he was his brother. You can just tell that Obi Wan is heartbroken at the demise of the anakin he had raised from a young boy on tatooie. When Obi Wan knows that he has to kill anakin, it breaks his heart.

~sigh~ BEST MOVIE EVER!!!!!!!!! best!!!

The most powerful

last night, sammy and i went to dinner with ween and some of her girlfriends! it was strange, ween said all her friends would be like her, and easy to get along with, but they werent like her at all. they werent as easy going and nice and easy to talk as ween is. shes great, everytime i see her i like her even more. When we got back to weens i saw tom aswell. hes cool, so glad i'm friends with those guys. they're awesome. The food was bad and i ate too much bread and doughy stuff and pasta. bad bad me! i need to be so careful with what i eat!

I think its time to work on a new diet plan. I need to stick to it though. I wont tolerate fat anymore.

well haven't posted in ages! nothing much exciting has happened, and i've been really disappointed in myself and my situation so I didnt really feel the need to write about anything.

FIRST OF ALL: I've been pissed off because I had a whole diet planned and i haven't been able to stick to it for more than a day. Which has resulted in me putting on a bit more weight. which i really didnt need, not right now.
SECOND OF ALL: I'm still living with my mum who is driving me crazy! I"ve said before how much i loved and respect my mum but I just dont think i can live with her anymore. Every night its something else. She is just impossible to please and i just dont want to have to deal with her anymore. I need to move out,
THIRD OF ALL: I have been stressed out because i dont have a job. I still dont have one after 3 months and i just feel like such a fool. its so wrong i know it is but i just dont want to go back to the same type of job i had before, it was meaningless, soul destroying. and i cant imagine going to work all day and then coming home and having to put up with my mum. i just cant do that.
FOURTH OF ALL: I have been stressed out because i havent done my stat test yet and i want to do it but i am just REALLY REALLY REALLY scared of failing and i know if i keep putting it off i will never do it. so i'm going to have to just jump in there and do it but its going to take some balls. and i just have to not fail! i cant fail! i've failed everything else in my life!
FIFTH OF ALL: I dont look good in any of my clothes, because i'm too fat. I'm hideous! seriously! and i dont know what to do about it.

on the upside things are going well with robin! hes my rock. we're really happy together right now. we'll see how things go but i dont think anything could ruin what we have right now. hes the only good thing in my life at the moment.

Keeping Yer Cool
You try to keep yer cool and not get so hyper that you make a fool of yerself. You generally are calm and celebrate without absolute craziness. Occasionally, an occasion does arise when you get so enthralled you simply must freak out with joy. However these times are very rare and you more often than not avoid them.

How Excitable Are You?